So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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