I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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