Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
