You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
