I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
