garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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