She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
