I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The adults are the big ones right?
false alarm, still single
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize