Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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