yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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