walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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