Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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