During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
