the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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