can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
