I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
