you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
