omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
