I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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