Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
