Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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