You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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