can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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