How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
