yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize