Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
