she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this is an emotional support booty call
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
