Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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