When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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