I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
