I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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