At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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