Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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