i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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