Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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