I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
