So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
