I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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