And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
