Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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