Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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