I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
