You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
