Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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