Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
