the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
