dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
