I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
