dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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