it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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