Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
