Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
