I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
