I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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