there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
