Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
