is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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