Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
