just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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