Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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