it hurts more in the daytime
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
