I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
