I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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