He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
