Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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