i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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