did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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