Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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