Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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