I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
