Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
