all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize