ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
