I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
