...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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