My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
