You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
