How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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