filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
