Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
