the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
BRING THE BAGELS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
