I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
