turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
