check it out our google latitudes are spooning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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