Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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