Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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