She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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