and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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