he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
